Posted months late.

Here I am, 40 weeks and 6 days and little man, obviously, has not made his arrival. I can’t truly say much has changed in the past week, but I can say I’m truly at the point of easy irritation.

It’s hard to not be irritated receiving the exact same question 15 times a day..

How’re you feeling?

I want to respond in the rudest manner I can manage saying the same I was this time yesterday, but I know everyone asking genuinely wants to know, and their not trying to irritate me, they’re just excited, so I bite my tongue and just respond with fine or good. Usually ending the conversation allowing me to return to my blissful avoidance of the world as I sleep for twelve hours, eating every other hour and just keep myself from overthinking what lies ahead.

I continue to worry I’m not ready for motherhood, I’m not ready for the delivery or the life change that now requires me to think of my little one before myself. Feeling selfish for even having these thoughts I keep them to myself. Telling myself I can do this and I will do this, for my son! I will do anything and everything I can to give him a good life.



First Day Back @ Work

I’ve been dreading this day since Aidan was born and I can’t say it’s fully because I’m afraid to be without him… I don’t think.. I’ve left him with mom overnight and was okay…?

I guess because I trust her, but going back to work felt different, more challenging and caused my chest to hurt… Leaving him every day for 7-8 hours kind of terrifies me. He’s my baby boy and I want to spend every moment with him… I don’t want to miss out on anything, but I know it’s not just that.

I feel guilty going back to just my fast food job when I could do better for my family. I feel guilty for still having no idea what I want to do in life besides be the best mother I can to Aidan.

I guess I’m having trouble wanting it all and fearing the steps ahead to get me even close to what I want.


My 3d Ultrasound Experience.

The weekend before last mother-in-law paid for us to have a 3d/hd ultrasound and although I enjoyed what we did get to see of him I was disappointed at the same time. Our son was being quite stubborn, I’m pretty sure he is NOT a morning person (just like his momma, haha 😊), and didn’t want to really move for the technician. I can’t say that it’s all her fault, but I was disappointed that, especially for the cost, she didn’t try harder!
There were definitely some neat moments, including watching him blink and he even stuck his tongue out, but she didn’t get pictures with any of these. The pictures she did get were all blurry, if they were even truly filled in and kind of hard to tell what you’re looking at and of the 6 pictures included in the package my mother-in-law paid for, we received two of the same picture.
Also, with the pictures, the package description stated that within 48 hours we’d receive a link to the rest of the pictures taken where we could “share and print your baby’s first pictures”. I assumed we would be able to print them off ourselves just by the wording, but of course the company name was watermarked in the middle of each photograph, although truly that didn’t matter with all the pictures being hard to really tell what was happening.
What did matter is that I didn’t receive the link for almost a week after the pictures and I had to call not once, but twice, days apart, before being told that they had some trouble uploading the photos. I wouldn’t have been so annoyed if I wasn’t already disappointed with the pictures I was given or they had emailed or called or something to tell us what was happening, but instead I was told we would receive the link in an hour and didn’t hear back until I called again, days later.
I don’t want to go on ranting. I’m trying to remember that my son was being stubborn but, in the end, I was disappointed in the service we were given for the $250 my mother-in-law spent.

Another Step Closer

Today, after Alex works on my car, we are going to set up a baby registry, or two. To be honest I’m kind of nervous. Not that picking out baby things is really all that crazy, but it’s another step closer to our son being here. Next is the baby shower and then his birth…
I’m excited for his arrival, but I’m scared. Scared of making a mistake, scared I’m not ready, but I have to do my best to prepare in the time I’m given.
I love you little one and I will do my best to do right by you.

Some of the things I wish I’d known/realized about pregnancy.

• It is beyond amazing feeling our baby move, but no one tells you how strange it feels.
• No one tells you how much pressure a baby, still less than a pound, can put on your bladder.
• Until pregnant you don’t realize the miracles your body performs.
• I’d known the basic symptoms including nausea, body pains, increased sense of smell, but I didn’t know about the constipation.
• Some boss’ treat you as if you’re a nuisance whenever you’ve placed in a position that accentuates body pains and you need to sit down.
• The joy the ultrasound brings when you get to see our child and watch them move for the first time.
• How challenging it is to handle even slight annoyances.
Dec. 28th, 2015 1:45pm

It’s A…


Now that we’ve announced to all our family members I feel as if I can share with anyone and everyone. We are having a BOY! And before you ask, although we have our ideas, no we haven’t decided on his name. I probably won’t share until I’m 100% certain, because knowing myself, I’m likely to change my mind at least 50 times. Now that we know he is going to be a he that cuts out half of the choices and does make it easier to prepare for him, in my opinion.

Announcing his gender to my family was a fun task. I scanned our ultrasound photos into my computer and made copies of each one and put them in an envelope and had only one envelope with the It’s A BOY! picture in it. Since Alex and I did have around 4 different family events between the both of us I did have to make several envelopes and I could have been more creative, but I enjoyed watching our families starring at the pictures trying to figure out exactly which photo they’d gotten and the different reactions from each different group and each different person that received the chance to announce it to everyone.

With Alex’s family’s small gathering, his parents neighbor, who’s basically become family, jokingly asked for $50 and he would share. At my moms almost everyone gathered in close and I didn’t quite get to explain the game with everyone being so impatient. The envelopes were passed out and several tried to make guesses off the pictures themselves but, my Uncle, who wasn’t even planning on opening the envelope nonchalantly said, “it’s a boy” after a couple minutes of everyone looking around and starring at me, wondering. With my moms big family, the noise, and me slightly feeling claustrophobic the reveal didn’t quite turn out as planned, but my family was still happy in the end.

The best reveal for me was with my dad. This is the only place I’d made sure a specific person received the picture announcing our son and, of course, that was to my dad.

Between my step brother and half adopted sister I have three nieces and my dad was hoping for a boy. Also, I’m his baby, having a baby so it added to the stirring emotions in the room. I explained what the game was and that only one person would get the right picture and handed everyone an envelope and most impatiently ripped open the envelopes. Realizing none of them had the picture they began looking around to spot my dad crying. My Aunt of course is like, “WHAT IS IT?” and by his inability to answer and the fact that he was crying, she gathered the answer was boy and everyone started half screaming, some crying and some hugging. I think that was the best reveal I could have hoped for. I enjoyed every moment and I’m sure I’ll do something similar with our next child.

Now that we’ve found out what we’re having comes the real fun parts, the baby shower, gathering everything he needs, washing everything and setting it all up. I can’t say I’m not nervous and that there is no fear in me because there is, but I’m also excited. Excited to be a mom, excited to share this experience with the man I love and excited to start our family.

Life only gets better from here.

I love you little one, and I already can’t wait to meet you.

Dec. 26th, 2015 4pm