Mentally preparing for a fight.

That didn’t happen…


I’ve had several moments since I’ve had Aidan where I’ve attempted to let my feelings be known and I’ve sat and reworded the same sentence at least 20 times, but still end up hurting someone’s feelings and getting yelled at. So I’ve started letting some things simmer, hoping it doesn’t boil over. Attempting to think about it and whether or not it’s even worth mentioning, but you come to a point that you can’t hold it in any longer, or it’s important enough to share.

I came to that point this last week with the same person that always takes what I say or do a way I don’t intend. I did what I normally do and sat and reworded the same paragraph for probably 10 minutes until I thought it would have to do.

While impatiently awaiting a response I began mentally preparing myself for a fight later. Running through things that may be said and the response I’ll give. Thinking about it now I realize how crazy that sounds.

Why do I prepare myself for a fight that I don’t want to happen? Is there a part of me that enjoys the chaos, the drama? All I know is I don’t enjoy harboring bad feelings, especially doing it to myself for no reason.

-A.Brooke

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