Deserve to be happy.

Today has been a rough day. Between the stress of my least favorite position at work to stressing more at home thinking about our financial struggles. Also seeing Alex’s schedule for this week, or lack there of, truly is the icing on the cake.  I’ve had multiple times today where I had to try my hardest to hold back tears, which I didn’t do successfully at home.

On a brighter note, I’m starting on my resume, again. Hopefully to finish and apply to new jobs. I’m thinking about applying to some banks, that may be my start into accounting/business. While also in the desperate desire to research schools and maybe start applying to those too! I know that online will likely be my best option so that I can do it at home with Aidan and hopefully still be able to give him the attention he requires to continue his learning and growth, but I know that online classes are more of a challenge and will put my procrastination to the test!

I need to remember that I deserve to be happy, that Aidan deserves to have a mom able to spoil him.

-A.Brooke

Advertisements

In Memory

I miss you so much. Sometimes I still forget that you’re gone and I get ready to call you to tell you about all that’s going on and then I remember. I just want to talk and catch up on everything you’ve been missing.

Aidan has gotten so big and growing such a major personality which can be cute, but also can be trying. I wish you would’ve had the chance to meet him, I know he would’ve loved you so. Although, I’m sure you would’ve just spoiled him rotten like most others in his life do.

There is so much I wish you could be a part of and I know you’re with me, but the fact that I can’t talk to you is becoming harder as the time passes.

I miss you, I love you, and I can’t wait to see you again!

-A.Brooke

(In memory of Gammaw and T.Rennae, I hope you’re resting peacefully. I wish you didn’t leave so soon.)

Things to consider when going through a drive thru.

  • Employees are people too!
  • It’s rude to not look at people who are handing you something and speaking to you.
  • It’s also rude not to say hello back!
  • Employees aren’t mind readers. Every customer has different wants and needs, we can’t automatically know what you need.
  • Think about what you’re getting so angry over. Literally had a lady get ticked over ketchup today (or at least that’s the only thing I could’ve missed) and tried to speed off around the corner and almost did a 180 with her truck. I’m sorry I forgot, but no reason to endanger yourself and your kids. Also you just look like an asshole.
  • If the window is still fully or partially closed and you’re asking for something the employee is likely not able to hear what you’re saying even when they can hear/see that you’re saying something. Sound waves don’t travel well through walls and glass. Just saying.

I better stop here before I just get annoyed and cranky.

To those who are genuinely nice and friendly people, you are my favorite and I will likely give you almost anything, no questions asked. If it weren’t for you I’d have no hope for the world.

I take care of hundreds of customers a day and I can tell you now not even a quarter of them smile or are friendly. Not all rude, but definitely not friendly.

Oct. 7th, 2017

Where yesterday I maintained my positive mood so well, today was rough from the start. Waking to my, recently occurring, issue with my chihuahua having pooped in my room while we slept, which I cleaned and took her poop to the toilet only to find that my water is off. My inexperience with dealing with issues of the sort and stress from money and car issues we’ve been having as of late, it didn’t even occur to me to think maybe workers turned off the water because they were working near it or whatever. No I begin to freak the fuck out thinking there’s another problem, another thing going wrong.

I’m half screaming, half crying, gave Aidan his morning bottle and went down stairs trying to look at what I could see. Attempted to call Alex multiple times and as luck would have it my mom ended up calling not too long after because they were going to kings island and wanted to see if they could take Aidan. On the phone I actually started to lose my shit, I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t handle even explaining what was wrong without starting to cry or scream. She said they were already heading our way, Ryan would look when he got here. Irony struck and Alex called not minutes after my mom and I got off the phone and I explained the situation while again, losing my shit. He tells me to calm down or I’m going to start hyperventilating.

Seriously though, when will men learn to not tell women to calm down?

He asked if someone was working down the street and after looking for a minute I did find a door tag folded and shoved into the handle of my screen door… Instead of opening the screen door and hanging it where it goes or knocking, it was folded and shoved into the handle of my screen door… Why? Then I started screaming about them not knocking to get our attention or something. I mean, seriously, I have a baby in here. Thankfully we had enough water down for the dogs too or I probably would’ve been more pissed.

Alex came home for his break to look at the ac, because it actually was leaking. Figured that out and I ended up going with mom for the day. Really made me realize how out of shape I am when feeling how exhausted I was after spending all day at kings island.

Thankfully the water was back on when we got back, but after hearing a continuous stream of water while going to the bathroom we found out a pvc or pbc, or whatever it is, pipe connecting the main spicket outside to our other spickets on different spots of the deck was spraying out water. Sweet, not only did that bust, but we’ve had water spraying out for god knows how many hours they’ve had the water back on… GREAT for our water bill, GREAT end to the day.

How do you remain positive when it’s one thing after another, life just keeps kicking you while you’re down? I know it’s simple things, I know things will work out, but in the moment I’m just ready to give up.

-A.Brooke

Oct. 6th, 2017

I’m amazed at how positive my mood has been today. Even when I had a rough customer, I quickly was able to turn back to my positive mood. I’ve been attempting to let things go easier for probably the past two months now and I think I’ve had a few days that I’ve truly remained in a good mood. Slow progress, but in ways still progress.

I’m thinking about starting a little research to see if I can find any tips/tricks about remaining positive for the overly negative person, like myself. Then maybe creating a bullet journal spread for the tried ideas I know work for me to keep as a reminder and to look back at on those truly moody days.

How do you remain positive on those days that truly test your patience?

Sept 10th, 2017

Today I’ve been slightly productive (I’ll never feel fully productive until I stop taking so many rest breaks) and it feels great. I planned out my day a little yesterday and while, of course, everything didn’t go as I planned, I accomplished most of my list. There is nothing better for a planner than having an almost completed or fully completed check list.

Not only did we complete some chores around the house, but we spent two hours out walking around and I loved most every moment. Alex and I used to walk everywhere, but since we both started driving we’ve become a bit more lazy, constantly staying indoors. A habit which I’m soon hoping to break, both for our sake and Aidan’s, he loves anything to do with being outside.

This is something that’ll benefit us all, I’m trying to remind myself, but on those days when work was hell and took it all out of me I just want to come home, maybe hide under the bed, and sleep until next century. But being outside more will put me in a better mood and I’ll spend more time just enjoying the moments I have with my little one. Aidan deserves a more present momma, Alex deserves a happier, more loving fiancé and I deserve to be happy with them.

Our whole life is about to change in between breathes, I have to remember to focus on bettering myself a little too. ♡

-A.Brooke